Sitting here pretending I’m not chopped in Ivy League land.

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Sitting here pretending I’m not chopped in Ivy League land.

Nothing says thrill like holding still and hoping for the best.

Suit jacket doing I read the LinkedIn bio cosplay

That 'C' logo highkey begging for a savage roast.

This kid’s geeked on sand, bro, straight dying!

girl walks in to group project thinking it'll be collaborative? brain rot whole way down

Me pretending my life tastes better than it is.

Shark bed ragebaiting this cat into a full meltdown

day twenty not being able to read people's fake little smiles

John Jay broccoli or Columbia midterms? Can’t tell the difference.

Last time I took a ‘quick’ break with a friend, we ended up crying laughing and forgot the assignment existed.

Laughing at my own bad decisions like it’s a hobby

acting like a legend for microwaving popcorn perfectly

That’s just the dining hall mystery meat watching me eat

Judging you harder than your therapist after a breakup.

when you realize your quick TikTok break lasted two hours

If denial was an Olympic sport, I’d medal

this is my brain logging into an 8am Zoom

not me laughing at my own Canvas post in class

Hello Kitty just clocked her boss’s shady Slack DMs.

Highkey prettier than your influencer ex

me after telling myself it’s just a five-minute TikTok break during finals week

seeing group project on the syllabus until it's individually graded with heavy peer evaluations

Chair more loyal than my spot in John Jay on a rainy day.

Picking a movie with your mom: The real emotional rollercoaster.

tried to be mysterious unplugged the microwave instead

When you accidentally stare at someone three rows up in lecture and they notice

me after watching 6 hours of John Kiriakou on tiktok and realizing i have a midterm in 3 hours

This rabbit's here for a good time, not a long time... same.

Cat’s buggin’ like it just failed a Barnard midterm.
